For the longest time men have always had an unspoken code not to do things considered ‘womanly’. In the African culture a man crying was a sign of weakness and this goes to show that to be a real man you had to sit in your emotions. In the past roles in the society were strictly adhered to, women were to stay at home and perform wifely duties while men had to go out and provide for the family. If a man was found helping his wife at home, he was seen as a powerless man who can’t control his wife. He would not be allowed to speak in meetings and would lose the respect of his peers and the elders. A woman was to give birth, cook, clean and be a respectful house wife, anything less than this and she would be considered damaged goods. Men were the providers of the family, they were to make sure the family had something to eat and had a sense of security. All these somehow has made way into our current generation, not all of it though..

Men are human they are allowed to feel stuff too but showing any presence of emotion apparently reduces their ‘gangster’ points. They might be going through hard times but they will hide it with happy faces just to avoid the shame of being seen as a lesser man. They will smile and laugh with you in public but are slowly dying inside. This is where depression jumps in, stress levels rise and he will always feel like life has no meaning. Sometimes problems find a way of disappearing after we talk about them, men would rather die than tell someone they have hit a wall. You know this is why women live longer because they always find a way of venting out their problems. Women talk about stuff and they would never go mute in the middle of a crisis. Toxic masculinity has been wearing down men without them even knowing it, it’s time we change things.

I don’t know who said that it’s a man job to discipline his wife. Wife battering in the name of discipline is so common these days. A little disagreement in opinion and the wife is beaten to a pulp, and because of what? Sometime friends can incite you to hurt your partner, they tell you how your woman should not talk back at you, how she should always do what you say. There after you go home ready to pounce given the slightest provocation. Your wife is not a kid that needs to be disciplined, she is an adult who has her own views and opinions and a real man would respect that. Laying hand son your wife won’t make you a real man, in fact it only shows how weak you are. That is your soul mate, partner in crime, best friend and the best team mate you will ever have so instead of going out your way to hurt her, pamper her and make sure she never has to shed a tear because of you.

Traditionally women have always been the ones to cook and take care of the kids. This though is a rigid idea that somehow is slowly fading away. Helping your woman in the kitchen does not mean you are a lesser man, It means you care enough to notice she sometimes needs your help. The modern man is trying, men sometimes cook for their girls to show affection or just surprise them. When she says she doesn’t feel like preparing anything to eat, it does not mean she is disrespectful maybe she is just tired. These days’ men even help in changing the baby’s diapers and some even help in washing them. This is not a taboo, it’s just a man taking care of his family.

Everybody has got his or her own opinion which is not wrong, having a different perspective just shows your wide view of thinking. People in a relationship disagree, voicing your opinion should not be taken as a sign of rudeness. Women too have a brain of their own and they are allowed to disagree with men. This idea that the man is always right is so old school, if you really care about her (sister, friend or wife) you should listen to what she has to say and even if you don’t agree with her opinions, try respecting it. I am not an expert on love but I think part of being in love with someone is accommodating each other’s feelings. 

The society has emphasized toughness so much that sometimes boys are bullied around and you hear people say ‘boys will be boys’. The boy child also need to be taken care of, tough love does not always work out. Aggression has always been promoted for the boy because they believe he will turn out a better man if he is handled roughly. These prescribed masculine behaviors can sometimes turn the boy violent, this is how sexual assault and domestic violence comes in. These boys will have no choice but to turn to drugs for comfort, they believe this is the only place they can find peace.

Changing a culture is not that hard, we can if we want to. A less toxic environment needs to be created for everyone. Raising a toxic man will only bring problems to him and the society. There is no need in raising a son who thinks dominance and self-reliance must be achieved at all costs, everybody needs somebody sometime.

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